What the hell is the deal with Halloween? When I was a kid Halloween was a trip to Woolworths for a costume, and one night of Trick-Or-Treating. In the seventies a decent costume consisted of a flimsy plastic mask that attached around your head with elastic, and a thin plastic pillow case with arm, and head holes. Our Trick or Treat bags were always plastic bags from the grocery store. Our Trick or Treat bags also usually contained, apples, raisins, McDonald’s coupons, one lady even gave out seedlings in little plastic baggies with directions. Halloween was a low key casual holiday. What the hell happened?
Don’t get me wrong, Halloween has been and will always be one of my favorite Holidays. Come on, I am a fat woman and Halloween is the only time of the year that I can go buy as much candy as I want with a perfect alibi. Back in the day if I got any nasty looks in the candy Isle I can just say. “Yeah, I have so many kids in my neighborhood”. So what if that was my fifth visit to buy Halloween candy. They don’t know. But that’s all in the past. This Halloween I am not eating any sugar, maybe that’s why I am so annoyed. Not eating sugar would have been easy in the seventies when Halloween was just one day. Now I seem to be celebrating Halloween like the 12 days of Christmas!
Here are the Halloween events my children and I were invited to this year:
-Party with Mom’s Club-Party with Newcomers Club-Party at school-Halloween day Play group-Halloween party at Dean College-Halloween party at Police station-Trick or Treating at nursing home-Trick or Treating at Dad’s office-and finally Trick or Treating at Noni’s house (The Sunday after Halloween so she can give each of my children their weight in candy. Because all the candy is 50% off and she can’t resist a sale) Oh yeah and then there is Trick or Treating around the neighborhood.
I’m not even that popular and my calendar looks like Paris Hiltons! When did we all go so crazy over Halloween?
My kids each have two costumes, so they can save the good one for Halloween night. You know I am a cheap thrift store girl, but costumes new cost at least 19.95 and up. My kids each have more than one fancy Halloween candy receptacle. They get them at parties or from their grandmothers. I am supposed to be baking something for most of these events..."supposed to be" being the key phrase... But they wouldn't ask a mom who's a drunk to bring in booze! Why ask the fat mom to bake something? I know because I am fat so you assume that I am an expert at baking...so true.
I have tried to slam on the Halloween emergency break. I only brought the kids to a few events like Trick or Treating at their Daddy’s work . In fact we just returned from my husband’s office and their big plastic candy pumpkins filled to brim with candy. Alice can’t even lift her own pumpkin it’s so heavy with candy.
What the hell do I do with all this candy? Last year I would have easily scarfed down half of the candy by now and finished the rest off in time to go Trick or treating with the kids. However this year I am not in my usual hazy sugar bender. Being on the wagon has not only made me a grumpy ass bitch, but it has me wondering if the explosion of Halloween events is ruining Halloween?
I know your thinking someone force feed her a Snickers bar and shut her up. Hey if Halloween can become the 12 Days of Christmas then the candy queen can become a scrooge.