My love hate relationship with food started when I was a little girl I always had a void and I have always filled it with food. I was put on my first diet at 7. That summer I lost 20 pounds. I came back to school a “regular” sized girl. Can you guess what happened? Before I even put my little backpack in my new cubby Adam Mazmanian walked by me and said “Hello FATSO!”
That was that. I had given up my food, my only comfort and security for a whole summer so these kids wouldn’t torture me. The twenty pounds was back by Christmas, perhaps even an extra five or ten for good measure. Hence began my life of turning to food and yo-yo dieting. Throughout the years I would lose weights on diets and gain it all back plus more back. I am not going to list the bother typing the list. I did them all. The thinnest I have ever been as an adult is 159 pounds. I 26 years old and a perfect size 10. I was a knock out and it freaked me out. All of my “guy” friends started treating me differently, other women treated me like I was a threat and got all catty, and I wanted to go back to being safe and invisible.
Hence I got happy and fat again. Being the funny fat friend is much less work and responsibility then being the sexy “star” plus you get to eat whatever you want. I did find a man who loved me for me no matter what I weighed. For my impending wedding in 2000 I lost 50 pounds. I maintained the loss by basically starving myself. I ate one meal s day and exercised 3 days a week. I never told anyone. I shut down my body to the point that I went into starvation mode and never lost a pound more than 50. That one year was the only time in my life that my weight didn’t fluxgate. I stopped my deprivation on the honeymoon and gained 11 pounds in one week.
In 2007 I had Lap Band surgery. What a joke! I needed brain band surgery. In the first month I lost 35 pounds because I was terrified to eat anything off the diet. Then once I learned that you can basically eat whatever you want I was back to my old ways. I still have the band but am making plans to get it removed. Honestly what they don’t tell you is that the band makes it almost impossible to eat lean meats and raw fruits & vegetables. Do you know what goes down the easiest? Chips of every kind , nuts of all kinds, cereal, dairy products, ice cream and popsicles, pasta, all of the things I was not supposed to eat! Also no matter how carefully I chew I thrown up my food every day. They call it a productive burp. Basically the food (it can be a small piece of skin off a grape) blocks the band and everything that does on top of that blockage comes back up. It doesn’t have that acidic vomit taste, it just tastes like the food mashed up. Also this continuous friction on my esophagus has it enflamed all of the time so I actually start every day by throwing -up morning coffee and even water. I believe that the heat from the coffee soothes the inflammation. I also have mood swings, allergy, anxiety, and I am tired all of the time. I am addicted to sugar, I eat to for every reason but being hungry, and I don’t exercise at all.
So here I am 41 with 42 knocking on the door on 9/24. I weigh 235 pounds I am 5’3”. My body mass index is 41.7 (An Obese BMI is 3.0 or more)(A morbidly obese BMI is 40.0 and over) So basically I am a few Oreos away from being carried out of my house by a crane while Richard Simmons screams and cries outside n his sparkly shorts and my neighbors record the spectacle for Youtube.
I have got to make drastic changes to my lifestyle and take my health seriously. I am going to start my juice fast today and continue for 10 days. I am going to write every day and record my progress.